The Nemesis

Loneliness

Many a times, you go through periods of sadness and loneliness that you cant really explain. Apparently, everything is alright. But there is something missing from your life. A smile. A touch. A thoughtful look. An advice. Warmth…

When did you lose all that, you cant recall. But some day, sitting alone in the wee hours of the night, with old memories to haunt you, you feel the sense of foreboding so strong, it startles you. You try to shrug off the feeling, looking around to distract yourself, only to lock gaze with a beautiful silver frame with a picture of you laughing like you have never seen the dark days.

Still gazing intently at that picture, your mind wanders back to the past. You want to attribute your feeling of emptiness to any incident in the bygone days, but you can’t find anything wrong with your life.

Feeling agitated, you get up, walking impatiently around the room, aimlessly touching the rough surface of the table, smoothing out the napkins, absently holding the fork in your hand, while your eyes hold that far away look, your mind clearly fogged with images buried deep.

And then like waking up from a deep slumber, you look around as if watching everything for the first time clearly. Suddenly, all the pieces of your broken life start falling into place. You slide on the nearby chair when your legs couldn’t hold your weight any longer; your eyes focusing sharply on every detail of the room, trying to take it all in.

The mirrors. The paintings. The pictures on the brick wall above the fireplace. The immaculate way everything was where it should be. The wind chimes tinkling… The clock ticking…

Your heart, pounding…

With tears brimming your eyes, you recall what a carefree soul you were. There wasn’t a day that went by without the sound of your laughter ringing through the house. Life emanated from every nook and corner; of your house, of your mind, of your.. being.

You think of the days where you had willfully lost yourself in the warmth of someone’s arms; found your abode in his heart; poured your soul into his..

You find yourself completely lost now.. but instead of his arms, cold corridors embrace you; instead of his heartbeat, you hear sounds of your shattered dreams; your own vacant eyes staring at you in lieu of the beloved’s loving glances.. And you discover what you were looking for all along. Your partner; your lover – Your nemesis.

And you, of insurmountable love & care, submerge further… into desolation & grief.

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Comments
4 Responses to “The Nemesis”
  1. Ali Sohani says:

    Excellent writing, Huda… 🙂
    Self-retrospection with great sense of imagery.
    Honest confessions with great sense of irony.
    Like you were watching yourself and then shooting your own documentary.

    Just keep writing, Mam.

    • Huda says:

      Thank you, Ali.

      Self retrospection is that unwanted friend that you just cant get rid of. Your not so best ‘best’ friend. You are to live with it whether you like it or not. Its better if you come to terms with it rather than fight it and end up exhausting yourself. 🙂

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