Captain of my soul… By Fariha Irfan

What are thoughts? Why do people think differently?

Thoughts… Maybe Freud would know. I know I don’t.

But why people think differently? Again, that twisted old fart has some twisted explanation about that too but I have a feeling I won’t agree to it.

And this question is way too open ended and I don’t want to sound like a pontificating pain in the you-know-what.

What are emotions? Why do people feel differently?

Emotions I know. They are the harbinger of disaster. When lots of neurotransmitters get accumulated in one’s brain, leading to wrong synapses lighting up, that’s when one ought to know he’s being emotional. It’s the absence/sabbatical of the rational mind we have.

People feel differently because, well, they are people.

Does it even matter to anyone what the other feels?

We are selfish. That’s our evolutionary imperative. Those who overcome this imperative either perish or else, become tougher, and more often than not, learn to be selfish because to reach the next stratum in evolution, they need to learn that trick. And that selfishness makes us privy and yet, indifferent to what others feel.

How can one person dig the other and the other doesn’t even give two cents’ worth about him.

And just when I thought you would be entering Nietzsche’s territory, you start asking Aunt-Abby questions.

Answer stays the same. Selfishness!

And yeah, the one you talked about earlier: Emotion. This time, love. Which is both blind and stupid. Release of endorphins can only go so far, ya know.

What is human nature? Does it come naturally or circumstances make a person what he is? Then it shouldn’t be human’s nature if it’s not innate.

A combo?

A bad one, I might add.

Nature doesn’t change. But actions get altered by circumstances.

You maybe a pessimist but can still work and live on like an optimist if you choose to. Leads to a lot of internal struggle but our emotions, choices, nature can only go so far. Its our actions that define us.

What is heart? If it’s only a bodily organ then why does it hurt in anguish, sing in delight and break into pieces when deceived.

Wrong emotions attributed to this nice little piece of automated meat.

Its all in our heads. Who says its our heart that hurts?

No, it doesn’t.

Circumstances define our reactions to everything. And our choices have more to do with that then we give them credit for.

What is love? Is it a figment of people’s imagination or an overrated sentiment?

This question is what prompted me to write all of what I’ve written already.

Love, an elusive mistress, an overrated sentiment, and yet, feels good. Why can’t a figment of one’s imagination also be an overrated sentiment?

Two never were mutually exclusive.

But it boils down to only one thing.

Is it worth fighting for?

If it is, its love. And if it’s not, oh, well!

Better luck next time.

But who decides that?

Our choices do, I guess. Part our natures, part our circumstances…

What is lust? A feeling often mistaken as love or a purely basic need that blinds even the best of men?

Why men? It’s a base human need.

Its not blindness that rules this mindset. Its selective blindness. Lust is want. And because of that, lust, put simply, is just plain old selfishness.

Who am I? An individual who is as important as a tiny speck of dirt in the darkest corner behind the cupboard or someone who will make a difference in this world?

You, you are the calm before the storm.

8th Wonder, in your own accord.

You’re a dust particle and yet, you’re bigger than a mountain.

There may be a debate over every little thing in this universe but only “I” can decide what I want to be. No one will choose it for me. If I want to make a difference, I will do whatever it takes. I will make the world think differently. About me. About my ideology. I will make them listen. To me and my thoughts. If only “I” want.

The questions of existentialism have been rehashed by all the bright and big minds before you and I even existed.

What do you want to be?

Why do you want to change what the world thinks of you?

Why do you want them to listen?

Why are they important?

Why do you think its important for you?

Why do you even care?

(For Huda, with love Smile)


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