Big Cause, Bigger Block

For as long as I could remember, I had wanted to be able to write well. Brilliant ideas, immaculate vocabulary, a knack to be able to touch people’s hearts with my words. And for exactly that same amount of time, I’ve been trying. All I have been able to come up with are half baked scripts, an idea here, a thought there. But it all comes down to a mega gigantic mind block.

I always wondered what is it that makes people write so well. I mean, not that I haven’t tried. But whenever I begin, it stops after a few words. Either I can’t think of what to write anymore, or the words fail me, and worse, I feel the person who will read it will die of boredom. And that’s when I decided it’s not my piece of cake.

Then there’s this problem of writing about something. I mean I sure as hell can scribble random things, but when someone asks me to write about something important, like current affairs or important psychological or social issues, I go blank.

If I reflect, I think it’s the pressure that stops me from achieving my goals. Like when I was preparing for an exam, I was really nervous about it for some reason although I had studied well for it, but I knew I had screwed up when I flunked it. My second attempt of the same exam, unfortunately or fortunately for me, was on the same day as my wedding. “Uh-oh! What am I gonna do? How can I possibly take this exam and clear it? No, it’s out of the question!!?! MOM! I can’t do it! I’m cancelling my exam!” were the thoughts racing through my head the whole week before it was due. But then I talked to myself, calmed myself down. “So what if you can’t clear it. At least you’ll know the pattern (as if I hadn’t flunked before). Focus on your BIG DAY!! It’s not every day that a person gets married. So forget about it for a change and take it like you’re going through the drill only.” With that mindset, I entered the hall, and wrote what I knew had to be written, told the examiner what I thought needed to be told, and viola, I cleared my paper! The crux of the rambling is if you let the fear take charge, it WILL take charge. No matter how competent you are, or how coherent you had always been, it is the fear that gets to you. It’s the biggest screw ups!

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